Rabu, 28 Oktober 2015

New term!!! Back to SG, new exp

Okay, So I came back to SG on last 17th Oct 2015. So, these days, couple of things keep popping and stressing me out. Since I had already installed whatsapp, and wechat because of our education system, some pricks played pricks on me, like what? They kept saying that they know me, but I don't fucking know them, I was freaking out at the time, and there is another girl who doesn't really close to me, she is 20, I don't want to mention her name. She suddenly chatted me out of nowhere, I really don't know why. She told me about things that are really hostile for me, as I can just keep the contain by myself. I had to wear a mask as I'd already handle that kind of thing before. But, it was really scaring me, I was asking in myself, "am I really that young to hear something like that? Am I really that inexperience?" I was scared. So I asked for advices with Vania, Jessica, and Ily. They are very helpful, but the rest I know I should finish it by myself. My roommate keep asking me why did I concern her or give her care so much? The reason is because I am afraid she can't move on and I was thinking too much like she will suicide or something. So, I just keep carry on. I was very positive with her after I talked to her a few days ago. Until today, at this moment, she keep asking me to lie to her landlord. She was actually dating a guy, and she asked me to lie that I was going out with her. I rejected her, I said that you should be honest to your mother. Guest what, her landlord just called me right now, she asked me whether I was going out with her today, I replied yes at first, we went to clarke quay, and then the landlord asked what time? And where did you guys meet again? This time I replied after secinds because I was thinking what should I reply, I am not the type of person who lie, because I lied a lot in my past, I didn't like the endings. It comes out, I am become a person who can't lie, it is just clashing with my principles, so this time I replied the truth that we never actually met each other. Not, because I didn't care about her, it is just as a friend I should make her a better person, I don't want she regret after she had done before by lying so much. I don't want her to end up like me. What should I do, what should I do, this questions keep bugging me all the time, I don't know who I should ask for help, because I know in the end, I have to resolve it by myself. I did what is better for her and for me, if I were lying to her landlord, I am sure, very sure, she will always do the mistakes over and over,and receive the punishments again and again. I mean just why she wanted to do mistakes while she already know the consequences. I am now crying while writing this post, alone in the room, and I haven't tell anybody yet this far. I hope LaoMu will agree with my decision, I hope this decision will not make me regret and make me stronger, and more mature in the futurem because right now I think I did a right thing, and I don't feel regret, even we have to see in each other in the future. I am shocked right now, I need time to understand myself.

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