Reality is such harsh

Survey questions had done, same goes to printing. I never thought it was a terrible ideas. I was so carelles. I should have ask Mr. Randahl first. I supposed to tell them immediately right after Mr. Randahl annouce, that we should not print first, cuz he hasn't send it to the manager yet. what done has done, we had a serious argument in group chat last night. It was furious and crazy。 Im at really terrible position... ahhh so this is being a leadee. A burden on your shoulder you should weight on. Fuck, I felt horrible. One of my members struggled to make those printing cheap and quick. In the other hand, I...... How come I was so careless..... am I too selfish. No matter how much I changed, when it comes to thing like this, I just keep going back again. Im sorry, Sir, my group, anything happen in the amendments, I will take responsible by myself, I couldnt drag them back. I am the parasite right now. I will be ready for suffering. I will Fuck back ..... Go, Lady Rose! Bring back that Bitch over. P. s. Last night's bbq was tasty, I met Olivia's old buddies last night. The person who were high beside me that surprisingly named Nicholas is so fucking handsome as Eddie hahahahahaaaaha... stupid fantasy 😂😂😂😂 and I regretted to go back early, Fuck! Should've stay

Brigitta Olivia Winatra Tan

Olivia and me just got close recently. We were never be this close before 😂😂. I'd never talked to her untill this semester. Because Ily is not going in the same class as me. So, now is the chance to explore finding new friends. Olivia is a fashionable and pretty, cute, fair skin, like a Japanese anime cosplay, or something like that....p. s she loves to curse hahahaha I didn't like her for the first time we met, because I think she is too far from my reach and I was kinda jealous with her because she got everything I don't have. But, then, I found out that she has the same interest with me, she loves everything in Japanese, anime, cosplay, and she made a lot of anime fanart too,JUST EVERYTHING!!!!!!! And I was like, damn,,,, and she loves kpop too, she loves infinite, and One Ok Rock for JRockI should be close to her before and talk more to her, and we did! Yay!!!! Finally, I got someone to talk to. Actually, everybody including aware that she comes from a wealthy family. So, she could afford everything she need. I used to be jealous because of that too, honestly. I mean like, who will never envy with a girl blessed by beauty, positive and straightforward as cute as that personality, independent, and rich girl. If you ask me did I want to be friend with her because of those things? Honestly, yes. However, it's just half correct. If I wanted to be friend because of wealth, my purpose will be.... I want to know how do rich people think? How are their perspective, and how do they feel when facing certain occurrence and problems. That's it, I never be friends with longing material merits. I am not that kind of person. If I do that, that's not me, that's so lowlife and cowardly. Just a simple reminder, once I decided to whom I'm going to be friend with, I will love them with as much loves I could give, I will cherish them. She went to Japan with Laras a few weeks ago. Wow!!! And I was so touched when she brought a souvenir for me. It was a gudetama keychain. I feel happy not because she gave me thing. But because “she remembers me, she thought about me, she didn't forget about me” I am so glad!!!!!! Even my other friends never really did that to me. But, yeah, even though we are still new friends relationship, she never forget me. Honestly, I'm not really a big fan of gudetama, but when she gave me. I don't care and give a damn whether I like it or not, I appreciate it and cherish it. It becomes a special item for me now. Even that I could buy gudetama thing by myself, but, it's different, it's from Olivia, my crazy otaku anime lovers friend.... i love her I went to Cocoa Colony with her last time andnit was a great experience. We talked A LOT and I fucking enjoyed it. We talked about anime, family life, family problems, Betrayal squad friends, complaints, everything. We also talked about ourselves and each other. I want to know everything about her, so I keep asking her do you like this, do you like that. She responded me quickly and didn't let me stop talking, i love that, unlike some of my friends that are only want to speak to me for a while and when we done, it's the end and makes me feel awkward. Just like Ily, when I with Olivia, I always want to smile, I feel a little bit warmth and glad in my heart. They makes me wanna protect them and make them happy. I found out that Olivia is a very considerate person, she cares deeply with her friends, she always there helping people. I like her that way, man. I learnt many things from her and about her. I love when she remarks me and judge me and gave me advices. Because not much people know that I actually need to be judged and say it straightforwardly like that. I admire her so much, after knowing her true personalities, and after learning that she actually had struggled once in the past and managed to get over it, and many more. I love you, Olivia. I hope you know that hahahahaha.

Vania Lysandra Oktaviani

Vania is my friend, we were close since Junior High, and now she is studying at Surabaya. So, I never waver or hesitate to talk everything to her. Whenever I have problems that I couldn't talk to anyone, she is the one I will find. Vania loves avlot of Hollywood stars especially, Greyson Chance. Also 5SOS, we used to love Big Time Rush, she loves Kendall, I love James Maslow, and many more. She also a big fan of Harry Potter, Hunger Games, ".......olympus" i forgot and many awesome Greek myths novels too. Vania had always been sending me a lot of email chats through line about the story of the God of Greek and its varieties, such as demigods, and all the books she had read, it was quite annoying at once but somehow it kept me away from loneliness and keep my heart warm. It just someway, I felt like I am still treasureed and important to somebody.... I love her. She is considerate enough for a friend, she is the type who never leave you alone once yoy got caught in loneliness She is the silence typed of girl, but once you know her...... things gonna be different from here hahaahahah. However, no matter how quiet she is, she is a pro of keeping secret, that's my girl. So, I'm still learning that from her.....

Feeling frustated today

I mean like, why did I even care whether she brings her uniform or not, u know today i planned to throw myself away for you, even that i know you didnt ask for it, but at least please know and appreciate my feeling by talk to me more, care for me, or at least ask me anything that would make me explain a lot.... I know it is selfish to ask people to consider your feeling, but I didn't ask in front of her, cause in fact, I dont want her to know, so maybe i will just bury it and dream about it. I think Im frustated cause i do adore her and care for her. P. s never post your complaints on FB or any other social media, it is not safe.

Is it summer now?

Well well,, It is been a while and a long time I haven't write any... I'm entering my last module to complete my advanced diploma, it is industry project... This time, unfortunately I could not be with Ily in the same class, for she already considered as graduated student from advanced diploma.... but I still can be with Olivia at least. She is a very adorable person, I love her, I'm gonna put her into my friend lists in Singapore though I don't have one hahaha... know what? She made a cake on her own and readying to share it with me and Jessica, cute right???!!! I'm happy she has a very kind heart, she is so open to me, and she is also from Batam too. At first, I thought that it will be hard to be close with her cuz u know, she is from quite wealthy family in Batam, and I had a thought that she will not want to be friend with me because we re on the different level. I mean, she is on higher level. Her appearance is so fahionable, stylish, too, and kawaii and she has a lot of those kind of friends, which I lack of. Then, I lost my all confidences to be close with her. But, here we are now, she wants to be friend with me, I was really moved by it. I got fever and diarrhea a few days ago. It was total suffer for me. When someone is sick, he or she will think that they're the only ones who are sick and simply put it, feeling lonely and will feel better when they look at another sick people, how was that sound??? I got that from Gintama hahahaha sick, right?? And today, Jessica is sick. She got fever... I don't know where does it come from, but the is suffering now indeed. I supposed to have a date today with Olivia at Marina Barrage and it happened that she also couldn't make it, she got period sickness. Jessica has a tendency when she got fever or whatever, her face areas including ear will bubbled up, or we called it "bengkak". Today she covered her face with towel. What i feel pissed off is, don't you think it's a bit rude? I mean, we have been living together until now and she still couldn't be opened to me, "kanojo wa, boku no koto shinjiranai kara sa, tabun". Well all I could conclude is she still doen't believe in me. OMG i feel so worthless.

New term!!! Back to SG, new exp

Okay, So I came back to SG on last 17th Oct 2015. So, these days, couple of things keep popping and stressing me out. Since I had already installed whatsapp, and wechat because of our education system, some pricks played pricks on me, like what? They kept saying that they know me, but I don't fucking know them, I was freaking out at the time, and there is another girl who doesn't really close to me, she is 20, I don't want to mention her name. She suddenly chatted me out of nowhere, I really don't know why. She told me about things that are really hostile for me, as I can just keep the contain by myself. I had to wear a mask as I'd already handle that kind of thing before. But, it was really scaring me, I was asking in myself, "am I really that young to hear something like that? Am I really that inexperience?" I was scared. So I asked for advices with Vania, Jessica, and Ily. They are very helpful, but the rest I know I should finish it by myself. My roommate keep asking me why did I concern her or give her care so much? The reason is because I am afraid she can't move on and I was thinking too much like she will suicide or something. So, I just keep carry on. I was very positive with her after I talked to her a few days ago. Until today, at this moment, she keep asking me to lie to her landlord. She was actually dating a guy, and she asked me to lie that I was going out with her. I rejected her, I said that you should be honest to your mother. Guest what, her landlord just called me right now, she asked me whether I was going out with her today, I replied yes at first, we went to clarke quay, and then the landlord asked what time? And where did you guys meet again? This time I replied after secinds because I was thinking what should I reply, I am not the type of person who lie, because I lied a lot in my past, I didn't like the endings. It comes out, I am become a person who can't lie, it is just clashing with my principles, so this time I replied the truth that we never actually met each other. Not, because I didn't care about her, it is just as a friend I should make her a better person, I don't want she regret after she had done before by lying so much. I don't want her to end up like me. What should I do, what should I do, this questions keep bugging me all the time, I don't know who I should ask for help, because I know in the end, I have to resolve it by myself. I did what is better for her and for me, if I were lying to her landlord, I am sure, very sure, she will always do the mistakes over and over,and receive the punishments again and again. I mean just why she wanted to do mistakes while she already know the consequences. I am now crying while writing this post, alone in the room, and I haven't tell anybody yet this far. I hope LaoMu will agree with my decision, I hope this decision will not make me regret and make me stronger, and more mature in the futurem because right now I think I did a right thing, and I don't feel regret, even we have to see in each other in the future. I am shocked right now, I need time to understand myself.

Return to Batam

I came back to Batam directly a day after the exam on last 23nd September 2015, Well, I saw different types of exam participants there (many participants want to end the exam quickly and submit it less than 10 minutes and I was like,why the hell they participate the exam anyway?!!) They were just wasting their parents' money. I think they still haven't realize that some of us were struggling and striving put our lives as bet just to take part in this exam properly. Anyway, let's move to another stories, I spent most of my holiday in my house watching YouTube (Respecting my "Me Time"). On 4th October, Me, Fitrini, Merry Suryanti, and Celine were hanging out at BCS (our eternal favorite location). I was moved that they're still remember me so well and understand me as we're still in High School. And we talked many things and all kinds of gossips as that is one of women behaviors that we have. But, it's not like that I'm forgetting the rest of Aboi is Better's. I love them too, It was just they're not really have any times right now, and I am totally understand them about this point. Ily will be coming this 16th or 14th October if I still remember hmm. I am concerning whether she will enjoy this trip. So, I arrange some plans for her in order to prevent any regret of disappointment. She made me moved by her words "It's okay, I just want to see you and Polo" when I told her that I maybe couldn't bring her to some places. She is really understand me, and that's what makes me like her. She makes me feel comfortable whenever I am with her. I feel blessed to have her and Aboi is Better as friends, and my parents who are totally supporting me to welcome Ily. Thank You everyone.